The Hospital

So now I've had my baby and I'm awake. I got wheeled back to my husband in the labor and delivery room. We have a while before we are gonna be moved to the mom and baby ward. I came into the hospital on Thursday, November 11 and it's now Friday as I'm getting wheeled in bed with my bundle of baby to my new room. The moment I got back into my room after I woke up I tried breastfeeding. I think I've got it. I had even told my sister how well she latched. How was I was.

Of course it's late probably close to 2am maybe even 3am, and we are supposed to just sleep. I'm uncomfortable, and I'm hot. So they bring me a fan. I don't know how much I paid, but I don't think that fan was cheap. I maybe got 30-45 mins of sleep that night. So morning comes, I've got a baby. She is perfect and so sweet. I've been feeding her every 2-3 hours. I never had anyone ask me if I knew what the heck I was doing. How to latch a baby? Who knows, I sure didn't. I watched a whole video documentary on how to breastfeed, and yet I didn't really know what to do. It's not as easy as that video made it look.

The hospital experience was to say the least not fun at all. I had nurses and doctors constantly telling me I needed to sleep, that I was sleep deprived, and eventually I'd become delirious if I didn't sleep. Well I'd love to have slept but every 2-3 hours I'm feeding a baby and every 2-3 in-between the feedings, which never lined up with them or anything, I'm being harassed by doctors and nurses. So the whole trip I maybe slept 8 hours. From Thursday to Sunday I slept maybe 8 hours. That's nuts. 

So lack of sleep, emergency surgery, dehydration, and stress. All those wonderful things led to a lack of milk coming in. At some point in my stay I'm told my baby had lost 8% of her weight and the bad number they look for is 10%. So we're pushing it. I need to start supplementing with formula until my milk arrives. Well so much for breastfeeding exclusivly. So far this baby has thrown every curve ball I could have imagined. All I can think is that I've failed her as a mother already. I couldn't push her out, I couldn't feed her, what am I even good for?

If you've had a C-section you know exactly how it feels, but for those who haven't I'll try to explain. At first you're on drugs from the actual surgery so it doesn't feel bad at all really. Then the next morning you're really sore. Heaven forbid you need to sneeze, cough, or blow your nose. The pain you feel when trying to do any of those is undescribable. It's weird, but if you hold your stomach it's a tad easier, but it feels like you really shouldn't do any of those things. If your at all like me you aren't comfortable just taking pain medication, so you opt to not use it really. I had some drip that I could press a button and it would give me some pain meds. I only clicked it 3 times the whole time I was hooked up, because I honestly didn't know what it was and felt like I shouldn't use it. 

So to add to everything I've been having high blood pressure since that last appointment. I'm also on iron pills, because I lost so much blood during my surgery. I couldn't get out of bed to change my babies first diaper, her first bath, or to even get her myself. I was feeling a lot of sadness. But not the kind I wanted to talk to anyone about. Being stuck in that bed the first days was horrible. 

I was thrilled when they took out my catheter, this meant I was free to get up. Getting up was uncomfortable, I needed a lot of help from my husband at first. I was in a lot of pain after moving too much but I'm not the kind of person who can sit and not move. So I would get up and do random stuff. But the more I moved the more I could feel that I had, had surgery. They also came in a lot to push on my stomach which was so uncomfortable. Like yes please put pressure on my sore pudge and this unhealed incision. 

By the last day we were all ready to get home! I was so happy that they gave us the all clear to go. My life as a mom would finally begin. I know technically it began in the hospital, but this was us going home, and being alone with the baby not having a million people bothering us night and day. It was a chance to just be with my beautiful new baby girl.